dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
