I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
