it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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