Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Are my feet made of real feet?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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