My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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