i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
