I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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