I can tuck mytits in my pants
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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