This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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