I'm jealous of your bromance
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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