Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
