We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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