32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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