I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My ass is underappreciated
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
