Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
