What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
