Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize