It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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