Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
