chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
