Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
