I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
