Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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