I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
3pm strippers are depressing
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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