So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
