dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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