my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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