Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
