Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize