Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
