For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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