I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
