Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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