So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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