We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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