he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize