I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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