She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
