Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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