suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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