If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize