he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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