found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
