Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
