i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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