I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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