That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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