my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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