he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
