I accidentally had phone sex last night
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
