so explain again why im purple
no
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
