I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize