i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
