so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
