Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
