whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
