I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My pussy is not your playground.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
