My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
