Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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