I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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