Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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