Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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