so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Houston, we have a squirter
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
