I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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