these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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