Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
