Porn is love you can see.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
