I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
