fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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