you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
