i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
