Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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