508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
