Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
