She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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