can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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