We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
