DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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