The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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