I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
