capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
