I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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