dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I did not marry a roomba.
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