OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
