His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
