Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
