What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
