you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
