Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I faked an abortion last night.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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