Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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