i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
