You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
