You work out of a Hotel?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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