Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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