i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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