Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
