it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
