I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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