I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize