you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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