After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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