i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
