Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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