My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize