That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
