he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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