I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize