I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
