69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
