Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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