she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
