Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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