i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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