I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
