She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
