You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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