Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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